TAKE ME OUT BACK AND SHOOT ME

I am sucking at blogging lately. Things have just been too hard. I am so tired when I get home from my pitifully paid job that I can’t even watch a tv show. You would think that photographing cars would not be physical. Well let me tell you it is. Imagine short fat me, I am 5′3″ with a long waist and short legs, trying to climb into a big truck without running boards. Where you step into the truck is mid thigh for me. That means I have to haul this fat ass up into it with one arm. The other hand has the camera.

This scenario has lead to pinched nerves with lots of pain and numbness. I have a really bad neck. It is curved the opposite direction of what it is supposed to be. I also have a not so great back. There are days when just standing I am in pain from my hips to my toes. That does not include the upper back, shoulders, neck, arms and hands. I feel like a wreck.

Add all this into I ran out of my meds last Wednesday and don’t have any refills. When you stop taking Zoloft you head starts spinning. I can move my eyes and my head spins. I tried to get an appointment with a local doctor and was told before I could even get into anything that “We don’t treat chronic illnesses”. Huh? You know what……I am 51 and I am not a junky. I didn’t even ask for pain meds. I never even got to the paperwork part or signing in on the clipboard that is usually put at the desk.

Here is the deal. I am in a lot of pain. I have a high tolerance for pain. I worked through a dental problem where my head hurt so bad I was tempted to put it under a wheel and have someone run over me. I had both children without any pain meds. So when I complain of pain it is very real and very intense. Sometimes while working I think I just can’t go any longer. But I do. Because I have to.

So….I called this doctors office the next day after going in and the nurse explained that they do not treat chronic pain. I never said I had it. But I told her yes I do have chronic pain due to blah blah blah. I told her that I am tired of living with it and I don’t feel I should have to. When I have had pain meds in the past for certain illnesses I didn’t eat them until they were gone. I hoarded them like they were something precious until I just couldn’t take the pain.

I had to call back again because the nurse was going to ask the doctor if he could help me in that area. He said no. So what the hell. What does a person do that is actually in pain? Why is it that I know of people that are not in pain but seem to manage to get scripts for pain meds on a monthly basis? I do not get it. Do I come across as an addictive person? Is it because I am honest and inform them that I DO need something for pain?

I have met people who are addicted to pain meds. They are pathetic and disgusting in my opinion. They do it for the high. At least the ones I have met were that way. I do not ever want to be like that. This is a big reason I don’t like Zoloft. I do not like having to take something on a daily basis other than things that are really necessary for good health like vitamins, blood pressure and cholesterol meds. I like taking things as needed.

What do I have to do or say to get this across to medical professionals? I asked for xanax once and was told we don’t do that as a rule in this clinic. People get addicted. Yes they do if they take 4mg’s a day. I don’t take more than .25 at a time. Otherwise I would be knocked out. People sell them. Yes I know. I would be one of those people that would buy them if things were stressful enough and I had no other alternative. Seriously.

Okay. I know that I have ranted enough. I am just so upset by all this. If any of you out there are in the medical profession and have advice about this please let me know. Chocolate is good for a lot of things but it doesn’t do much for the pain.

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